I Need More Affection Than You Know
by BondofFlame09Fullmetal INC
Summary: Sequel to 'Bleeding Silent Tears' Vincent's POV and reason for his deathCidVin shonenai Death fic No lyk, no read. Muse antics included.


**A/N: So here I am again, this is a sequel to my 'Bleeding Silent Tears'. They can both stand alone, I guess…**

**Cid: NO IT CAN'T! **

**BoF: So it can't then! **

**Vin: growl **

**BoF: Hey! At least I'm good at shooting in DoC or you really would be DEAD! **

**Vin…looks at all scratches acquired through aforementioned game**

**BoF: Well, I didn't say I was perfect now did I? **

**Axel: steals Cheez-its **

**BoF: GIVE THAT BACK! shoots Axel Damn I'm good! **

**Roxas: So much for angst….**

**Disclaimer: I definitely don't own Cid and Vincent, cause then; Vincent would be his gangsta bad self, Cid would ALWAYS be Cid, and Hojo beatings and hangings would be the highlight of ANY person's day! And I don't own any subconscious allusions to ANYTHING patented by ANYBODY! **

**Some parts may allude to Sanctuary by Utada Hikaru the Backmasked version of course! SO I don't own it, 'cause I can't sing to save Vincent's pants! All I own is this box of Cheez-its, which if it moves off this desk again, the offender will find himself missing some important parts! (Axel: EEP!) Now on with the show!**

_"Thanks Cid, I guess I never got to say it all, but-maybe one day, I'll tell you how I feel. About how you've helped me through the last 3 years. Maybe, it's time you understand what I mean." _

Maybe, it was how you always said what you believed, not allowing others to change your mind. Heck, it could be how you always came and said the words; maybe not the _EXACT _words; that I lost long ago, always speaking up for me, when you know when I wouldn't. Maybe, it was how you would hold me, when the nightmares became graphic and violent. I knew you would hold me to your chest, thinking I'd never know, afraid I'd shun you, but I wouldn't have. I would have smiled, and ask you to stay forever. But by the time I awaken, you must have slipped away to your room again, only to appear later in the day, avoiding me, in hopes I wouldn't remember. Oh, but I do remember, the feeling of shelter and compassion; something I've been lacking for 30 years. But, I act as if I don't know, and I realize, that those blue azure dreams, are full of hurt when I play this charade for you, you want me to remember, and I do, but you're so afraid I would hurt you; like everyone else you told me once; you were willing to quiet your pain, and if that's what you wanted, I would do it.

_So many ups and downs_

_My heart's a battleground_

_I hate emotion, I need true emotions_

_I need more affection than you know _

You always take me to my lost love, I don't know why, but you do. I just wish you would tell me no! That's what I want! To slap me back in to reality, bring back to life! Stop me before do something foolish, stop me and hold me again! Save me from myself, I am a monster, stop me, hold me! Monsters shouldn't ask for such things, no, don't deserve such things…

_I need more affection than you know_

_So, and now, turn it down_

_And now you shall sleep  
_

_Yeah, it was real, and I never knew it_

Lucrecia, I used to love her, and even now, I blame myself for any of this that happened to her. I know I should've stopped her, but she was happy wasn't she? Wasn't she?

Please, save me again.

You brought me here again today, you stayed outside, maybe it's better that you didn't see the pain, you've suffered enough from me, but, I always wanted to tell you, what I couldn't possibly tell Lucrecia, no, it's something that Lucrecia could never grasp, she has her heart, and I have mine.

When I passed you today, I gave you my last words I could truly say, without hurting you more,

" _Thanks Highwind." _That was all I could say, all I could think to say. I'm lost now. I wonder, could YOU even save me now? I've lost all reason. You bought me Cerberus for my birthday day, and with it, I shall end all this pain, suffering that has transpired. I don't know if I can replace your feelings, but I can prevent it from happening again. If there was a way to portray all I hold for you, I would, but no word is near strong for these feelings…I wish…I could just end it all…

I raise the barrel to my head…why can't I pull the trigger? I want the pain to an end, why…why can't I end it all? IS it because of what you said one night…

" _Even if you still hate me, I'll protect you from the darkness…" _

But, why aren't you here to rip the gun from my reach? Why aren't you here to slap me into reality! Why aren't you here to hate me, hold me again?

_Even we still laugh, we shall be back_

_I need more affection than you know…_

Or maybe, it's because I still haven't said it yet. So I end my life like this.

_Now in terrible sleep, he finally listens  
_

_I hate emotion  
_

_I need true emotions  
_

_I need more affection than you know  
_

_I need true emotions  
_

_I will not destroy them  
_

_So many ups and downs _

You must of heard the gun shot. You came in quickly, but when I fell, it seemed like eternity, all the memories, good or bad, went by fast. I guess…not…everything was so lost. All I can rally see is blood and the sound of you running to me. What will you do?

You lift me and chuck my gun away, it's all over now.

Say it.

Say that I am a pitiful monster worthy of death and nothing else.

NO! You ask me why, and if I'm alright! I'm never been okay! How come you care about me!

"_H-h…highwind…" _This is all I can muster? Fitting for a dying beast.

You tell me giving is not the answer! But what else is there hurting the one I lo-

"Sorry…Cid." I was wrong…

I was wrong…you're holding me. You never scorn me! How could I have deprived you of something important to you! I began to cry in your arms? I wonder why your voice is cracked…

You tell me you can't handle it when I cry…yet you pull me to your body and stroke my hair….I lo-.

I push my lips to your cheek, it's over, I can barely even see your eyes…all a sky blue blur.

"_Thanks Cid." _ I let a few tears leak out onto your shirt…I shake my head, I can't go back with you….and…I

"_Cid, I love you…" _

I guess, it's over…I'm over to the Lifestream now, Aeris says hi. And, she said to make sure to wash your face or else!

Hearing you say those words back, made my heart soar, spirit rather. Sorry I left you behind…I guess you didn't want me to out walk you anymore. You…should really considering flying instead, you can catch me then.

" _Three years have passed, yet, in order for the true emotion to come out….no, it was there, I just, was too weak to say it…and for that I am truly sorry, Cid Highwind." _

_Now in terrible sleep, he finally listens  
_

_I hate emotion  
_

_I need true emotions  
_

_I need more affection than you know  
_

_I need true emotions  
_

_I will not destroy them  
_

_So many ups and downs  
_

_I need more affection than you know _

**BoF: Whoa! Well that saga is OVER! **

**Vin: And I STILL FRIGGIN' DIE!**

**Cid: Aww, come on Vin! **

**Axel: Be grateful she hasn't done….OTHER things to you! **

**Roxas: She told you not to touch her Cheez-its! **

**Axel:…whimper**

**BoF: There is NOT a sequel to this! And I'm not bringing Vincent back. He died in the story. The. End. But he's alive elsewhere! So go have your fun with him! Alrighty! Good Evening until the next time! Maybe I'll get inspiration to write something angsty, minus death! **


End file.
